Today is sunday, two days before school comes back. and i couldnot be more depressed.

i missed so much of this year already that i doubt i will be able to deal with the onslaught of work i will have to do when school returns, i am also very much alone in the school enviroment.

on the last day of electronics i was given a aid to try and help me, but of course this just made me sad and emabased (im sick of being the oldest kid in my class and the only one that struggles with work)
whats worse is that electronics is what im best at because its just computing and making videos.

everyone ignores me, i cant be botherd doing work and my english teacher hates me because im always absent or late.

ive come to the end, either i succed with re connecting with society or i blow myself out of it.

either i live happy or a die sad

i dont want to live like this anymore, its been 15 years of heartbreak and torment, i have been to hell and came back a more distrubed person, i have nothing but one chance to become a half normal person.

on tuesday i will go to school and i will work, try and talk with classmates and just try and become a more positive person.

im not concerned, for this motivates me to suceed.

but if this fails then im killing myself, this sadness will end one way or the other.